When I was standing alone in the cold, brown dried leaves blowing around my boots, a feeling suddenly washed over me.

A sadness. It felt so familiar; that hopelessness and desperation I’ve been running from. It burst inside my chest and spread throughout my body. Into every vein, and every cell. It reached into my limbs and touched the inside of my finger tips. In that moment my thoughts were frigid and dark. A lump began to form in my throat. I blinked away the tears that stung my eyes. 

Then, my heart began to race and my stomach started to turn. Panic. I thought I was overcoming it. There was so much open space. I felt so exposed and alone and every part of me was screaming to run away. I felt nauseous.

I pushed it out of my head as best as I could. But it’s still in the back of my mind. That fear and sadness will kill me if I can’t control it.

Depression is exhausting. Anxiety is exhausting. It’s like I’m fighting the same battle over and over again. I feel like I have a lot more fighting left to do.